Laurel Blaske/Lion Staff
Since started wearing my iconic gray pants in August, I haven’t worn a skirt to school. One day during Earth Week, in celebration of our lovely planet, I decided to change that. When I was digging through my closet around 9:38 pm the night before, desperately searching for jeans as my mother kept telling me to just go to sleep, I came across my favorite skirt.
Wait, favorite skirt? The one and only girl in the Upper School who doesn’t wear a skirt to school every single day not only owns a skirt, but actually wears enough skirts to have a favorite? Wow! (Okay, maybe my weekend wardrobe isn’t that interesting to most of you, but I do live for unnecessary irony.)
I did, in fact, give up skirts for a long list of valid reasons. I just happened to forget them until that fateful day. As much as I am enjoying the acknowledgement of my fashionable statement, I doubt this bad boy will come off its hanger on a weekday again anytime soon, and here’s why:
1. How Low Can It Go?
It occurred to me that morning that I had absolutely no idea if I was allowed to wear a skirt on a NUD day. As any teenager would do, I immediately sent out a group text. Seeing as my only reply was “idk,” I decided to play it safe and threw a pair of jeans into my bag.
By the time I stepped out of the car, I remembered that most girls wear skirts to school everyday, and I was probably fine. But then it hit me: was my skirt fingertip length?
I faintly remember discovering that it was in the fitting room on the day I bought it, but that was all of two weeks ago. What if I had grown half a centimeter? What if I had let my arms hang at the wrong angle? What if tucking in a shirt caused it to ride up? I was certain I had to run inside and make good use out of those jeans.
As my mom pulled away from the curb, I flung my backpack on the ground, took a deep breath, and let my fingertips lay against my thighs. Well actually, I felt fabric. Sweet, glorious fabric. I was not about to get a detention… yet.
2. Criss-Cross Without the Applesauce
If there’s one thing I love about pants, it’s the freedom to sit however I want. With skirts, the range of options is theoretically wider considering nothing is holding your legs in place, but the expectation, especially in educational institutions, is that nothing… personal is exposed. Being the good, wholesome child that I am, I do agree with that sentiment, limiting sitting positions.
The most reliable way to sit in a skirt has to be legs crossing at the knees. Unfortunately, depending on your height and the height of the desk you’re sitting at, you might have to turn your entire body to the side, leaving room for everyone to judge you and your awkward angle.
If you’re feeling more brave, then you can sit normally and hope for the best. This might be a good time to consider wearing shorts underneath your skirt as many girls in the Upper School do.
3. Up, Up and Away (to Science Class)
One of the greatest features of the Upper School is the built-in exercise from walking up and down the stairs several times a day. In middle school, I remember hearing constant warnings about sneaky eyes trying to steal glances up skirts, but seeing as I was known for ridiculously long “nun” skirts, I always figured I was safe.
It's fair to say the skirt didn't hang quite as low. (Yes, it was fingertip length, thank you very much.) As I was making my way up both flights of stairs, I felt my hand self-consciously fall to my side to hold the skirt down. I was so focused on blocking out wandering eyes that I nearly fell up the tiled steps. Once again, those shorts would have been a smart choice.
4. Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Even though it was already April, temperatures fell as low as 36 degrees. Why I thought that day would be the best day to expose my legs to the elements is beyond me.
On any other day, I would've just let it go as the cold has never bothered me anyway. That day, however, everything from my fingertips down was covered in goosebumps. The sad part is, I bet the geese weren't freezing under all of those feathers. And they're from Canada. They're used to it.
5. Where in the World Are My Pockets?
Like any other teenager, I am glued to my phone. In my rare moments of self control, I drop my cellular device into either the handy phone pockets in every classroom or my pants’ pocket. But wait- no pants.
So what could I do with my phone? If I held it in my hand, then I might drop it and somehow crack the screen despite my fraying OtterBox. If I kept it in my backpack, it would take me approximately 3.6 more seconds to send a very important meme. And if I left it in the phone pocket, I'd certainly experience Instagram withdrawals.
So what did I learn from this experience? I'm hopeless without my pants. I can't sit, walk up stairs, keep track of my phone, or focus on anything other than fixing this weird hoop of pleated fabric. Not to mention I was moments away from a deadly case of hypothermia.
To every girl who suffers through wearing a skirt everyday, you are a hero. I have no clue how you do this. And hey, if you ever get tired of this endless struggle, the bookstore will gladly order you a pair of pants. I'd love to have you join my lonely club, and make it a bit less lonely.