by Caroline York/Lion Staff
Sometimes politics can go over high schoolers’ heads. Words like demagogue, bipartisan, filibuster, gerrymander, and pundit seem like gibberish. However, if put into context, the government and the White House are less complicated than you think. So for one day, let’s suspend disbelief and imagine that Donald Trump ventured to Atlanta to run Lovett for a day.
As students walk nervously to school, Trump arrives in a grand carpool motorcade of Range Rovers and Infiniti SUVs. After a briefing on the Lovett School from Mr. Peebles, he is ready to take a break from chaotic Washington D.C. to spend a leisurely day at Lovett, or so he thinks.
His speech at Monday Morning Meeting mirrors his State of the Union Address with a few twists. He vows to unite the Upper and Lower classmen. He also addresses concerns about his ability to lead Lovett saying, “I will run your school as well as I run the government!” Which receives some applause, snickering laughs, and some heavy sighs. He ends the assembly with “Let’s make Lovett better than just great.”
Halfway into first period, tweets from @RealDonaldTrump start blowing up students’ phones. Trump is notorious for his delirious and at times insane tweets about varying topics. So it comes as no surprise when he tweets, “Lovett continues to covfefe,” a very confusing tweet perhaps mirroring an earlier tweet when he threw in a made-up word, “covfefe” in the middle of a tweet. In a previous tweet, Trump had said, “I from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star to President of the United States (on my first try),” and now repeats the tweet, adding on “and to run Lovett.”
By the end of the first period, a little under half the teachers are fired. Back in Washington D.C., six out of twelve of his top staff have been pushed out. More than forty of his overall staff have also exited over the past year, and all the credit goes to the man himself, Donald Trump. Like with his staff, Trump can’t put aside his one-sided arguments with Lovett teachers. Teachers are blindsided and say they did nothing wrong but work under Trump.
Across campus, a renovation is going under way. Trump decides to change the headmaster’s house office into a replica of the Oval Office, the only difference that the new office is “much huger than the one in D.C.”
Much to many students’ dismay, Trump isn’t done there. Afterwards, he walks straight to the elementary school where he removes the water from the pond. During 2016, the phrase “Drain the Swamp” was one of Trump’s favorite lines in his speeches (referring to what he thought as a corrupt political system). In order to fulfill his campaign promise literally, he decides to drain the “swamp” of Lovett, despite the upcoming senior tradition of swimming in the pond.
Midway during the day, Trump takes a golf break. Although he promised during his 2016 campaign, “Because I'm going to be working for you, I'm not going to have time to go golfing,” he has golfed 92 times during his presidency, according to CNN.com. Likewise, he has the same inclination to take a “quick” two-hour break at Capital City, where he meets up with some Buckhead dads, while sporting his new Peter Millar outfit.
During lunch, Trump again ventures out of Lovett to eat at the O.K. Café. Born and raised in New York, he had yet to try homemade Southern food. After trying their famous country fried steak tied with coleslaw and a side biscuit, he declares the O.K. Café is now the “GREAT Café”! After that incident, he decides to annex the restaurant and expand his Trump Winery business into the food industry. Because of prior accusations of collusion and conflicts of interest, he tries to convince people it will “not” interfere with his ability as a leader.
This year everyone thought the Oscars, which is famous for taunting right-wing politicians, had a great show, except of course Trump. Even though the Peter Pan was a smash hit that everyone loved, Trump complains. In an absurd Tweet, Trump states: “Peter Pan doesn’t know anything about a boy who can’t grow up.”
On a lighter note, Trump, who regularly gets spray tans, is in need of a new one for the springtime. For opinions on the best place, he asks high school girls, who laughingly give him recommendations. He also needs to dye his hair bright blonde to cover his age and is urged to visit a Buckhead salon.
Throughout the day, he makes appearances in all the A.P. classes, which are obviously very difficult for the students. “The person who gets the highest grade gets to quit high school and work for me!” If you’re not familiar with The Apprentice, it was a show that featured Donald Trump ordering around contestants vying for a spot at his company. Knowing Lovett is not a reality TV show, or not yet at least, teachers quickly shoot that idea down.
During break, he ventures out by the empty land near the river bank. Since 1971, Trump has been making over two billion dollars in real estate. Looking out onto the Chattahoochee, Trump can be heard saying to himself that this would be a great spot for a golf course. It would, yes, if there wasn’t a school in the middle of the course.
The football team has a warm welcome for Trump, giving him a Lovett jersey with the number thirty-five on the back, which coincidentally is his current approval rating.
However much enjoyment Trump has running Lovett, he regrettably has to return to D.C. to run the country, or something along those lines.
So maybe you didn’t learn a ton about government, or pretty much anything regarding government affairs. But you did learn a bit about the person responsible for running our country for the next three (or seven) years. Whatever your personal views on the nation’s leader, he is our president. So if he can manage to run Lovett, a high-energy school with children running around, he can govern the U.S.A….maybe.