V-Day Special: Speaking Each Other’s Love Languages

John Srouji

“The love language she wants to receive from others is 'words of affirmation' because I’m self-conscious 25/8.”

When it comes to finding love, some people prefer to let things happen on their own and not think too deeply about what makes for a successful relationship. But others take it quite seriously, putting great stock into things like astrology, personality types, and love languages.

Astrology is a very complex system based on the idea that our entire lives and personalities are dictated by the stars in the sky. Despite how outrageous the idea may sound to those who stick to empirical evidence, the theory is actually very popular and plenty of people believe in it to varying degrees, including many people at Lovett.

“I 100% think about astrology when it comes to love and friendships,” says senior Lillian Turner. “It's not necessarily that serious, like I won’t not be friends with someone because of their sign, but I do enjoy trying to find similarities between signs.”

Sophomore Caroline Goodsell agrees, though she also maintains skepticism. “I know none of it is real,” she says, “but I have just always been really into it ever since sixth grade. But in my life, ninety-nine percent of the time it ends up being true.” 

A way of thinking about love that may be slightly more based in reality is love languages, compiled by writer and talk-show host Gary Chapman, Ph.D. The love languages are the five primary ways that people tend to show love to either a significant other or just a friend. Usually you can use common sense to deduce which love language you tend to use, but if you can’t figure it out, you can use a love language test online which will tell you which love language you prefer to use and which love language you prefer to receive.

The first love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’. Words of Affirmation includes any spoken form of appreciation for someone important in your life. The most obvious example of this would of course be saying “I love you,” but things like “I appreciate you”, “thank you”, or “you mean a lot to me” all fall into this category as well. Keep in mind that the category is Words of Affirmation, so if your friend or partner is saying things like “you eat too much” or “you look like Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy” that would not be a love language, they’re just being a jerk. 

The second love language is ‘Physical Touch.’ The Physical Touch love language includes things like holding hands, kissing, and hugs. For people whose love language is physical touch, they may more often choose to show their love through non-verbal actions. 

Next is ‘Giving Gifts.’ People who use this love language prefer to show affection through purchasing small gifts that show their value for the person they are giving it to. The gifts are typically not about spending money, but about giving something symbolic that the person has put much thought behind. 

The fourth love language is ‘Quality Time.’ For the quality time love language, it's all about being around someone you love. Sometimes just being there with someone is enough for them. This could include things from sitting in the same room with the person to going to an amusement park with them.

The final love language is ‘Acts of Service.’ Acts of Service are when you go out of your way to do things for someone you love. This would include helping someone finish a project they have been wanting to finish for a long time.

I spoke to a few students and asked them what their love language was and why. Emma McHale told me that for her it was “quality time because I feel like objects and gifts can be from anyone and time is limited with a certain person.”

Sloane Vassar explained to me that for showing her love for other people her love language is physical touch, but the love language she wants to receive from others is “words of affirmation because I’m self conscious 25/8.”

Maggie Long says her “language is probably quality time because it shows your significant other that you care about them enough to make time and you don’t have to be together to make time for each other, you can just take the time to FaceTime each other or talk.”

For Caroline Goodsell, her love language is “physical touch I’m guessing because that’s how my mom showed affection to me and also because when my sister was born she started getting all the attention.”

Lastly, there are personality types. Two major personality type tests are the Enneagram test and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. The Enneagram test will match you with one of nine personality types and the MBTI will match you with one of sixteen personality types. In my opinion, these personality tests will give you the most accurate idea on who you would be compatible with. 

There is plenty of research that has gone into determining which personality types work well together and which personality types would not. Another fun thing you can do with the personality types is that you can go to personality-database.com and it will show you a long list of famous people and fictional characters that have the same personality types as you. Once you fill out their test, you can learn whether you are best suited for The Weeknd or Marie Curie, Dory or Groot. 

So don’t feel like you have to figure all of this love stuff out for yourself. You can turn to the stars, Gary Chapman, or a personality test to figure out your romantic future. And there’s always the Lovett Data Match. 

The Lovett School is an independent, coeducational day school where children from Kindergarten through Grade 12 find the courage to explore and the drive to discover.

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